out of office messages

Here are a few of the things I thought about this week.

New York buses

1. On New York City buses, the recorded voice announces over and over, “Please exit through the rear door.”

Almost no one does this. Almost everyone exits through the front door.

In this case, people, it seems to me, are breaking the rules just to break the rules. It’s perfectly easy to exit through the rear door.

Fellow citizens, go ahead and rebel; but please use your rebellion more productively.

The weather

2. I went to see an outdoor dance performance in New York City last week. The weather report had a zero percent chance of rain. Then a huge black thundering mass of clouds gathered overhead and drenched us. On Friday, there was again zero percent chance of rain. Again, all of a sudden, a huge black thundering mass of clouds gathered overhead and drenched us. New York’s new normal is Edinburgh.

You. Stuff you do.

3. I just want to point out, gently, something that you do, which annoys me. It doesn’t enrage me, but it annoys me. Yes, you. When you go on vacation these days, you leave an automatic out of office message that says, “I will have limited access to email.”

Limited access.

As though you are going on vacation to 1997, and iPhones haven’t been invented yet. Or you are out of range in a mountainous ISIS training camp. No, you have “access.” You just don’t want to check email.

I mean, that’s fine. Don’t check email on vacation.

Relax. I approve.

But don’t lie to me about it. That’s what annoys me about this thing you do. You lie to me about it.

History.com

5. Finally: A while ago, I apparently signed up for an email list for something called “History.com.” I don’t remember doing it. Probably, I thought I would learn about history, I guess.

Today I received this email from them: “Are extraterrestrials altering human DNA and repopulating the Earth with alien/human hybrids?”

Gosh, “History” website! Tough question.

Alon Preiss is the author of A Flash of Blue Sky (2015) and In Love With Alice (2017), which are both available from Chickadee Prince Books.

Art by Comfreak/Pixabay.