When I was in college, I went to see a therapist named Bruce. He’s amazing, he helped me through my deep depression, he helped me realize that I am kind of damaged, but that I’m ok.
So basically he’s taught me how to use my flaws as a tool for my self-confidence, I guess.
So I started a blog about my struggles with self-confidence, I post it on the web and I type a little message about it when I post, something like, “Hello, people. I’ve been feeling really sad and insecure. There are a lot of reasons. I’m going to tell you some of them, so you can laugh about me and my flaws. I’m not perfect. I don’t always feel like myself, and people don’t understand me and I don’t understand me sometimes, but I am becoming ok with myself. You are all amazing, and I love you. Also, I’m not nothing. Bye.”
And every time I post it, people message me and they’re like, “Hey, I read your blog. It’s really great that you’re so open about your struggles.” And it feels good, because I know that if they’re going through the same thing, then maybe they feel a little less alone.
So yeah, I’m not like every other person. I have my own set of quirks and weirdnesses and anxieties, but I’m slowly learning to love myself for them.
There’s so many different ways to identify, and I think I’m weird for a lot of them, but they all add up to the same thing and none of them make me, like, evil or violent or anything.
So I try to wear my weirdnesses as proudly as I can.
Like, I’ve been able to make a bunch of changes in my life because of the support that my family and friends give me. I spent so many years dating, so it’s be nice to have someone there for me when the transition from vanilla to gay gets bumpy.
But I don’t want to bring children into a world that’s so full of pain.
I want to be healed before I try to help someone else, you know? So I can be the best version of myself for them.
And maybe that’s selfish, but I think it’s worth it.
I’m grateful for the people who have been there for me, even when I haven’t been able to be there for myself. So thank you, from the bottom of my heart. You know who you are.
Thanks for reading. 🙂
Kalyee Srithnam is a 24-year-old writer, columnist, sometime-model and erudite chocolate fiend, who loves unicorns and writing content that helps people feel seen. Her column appears each Monday and Thursday. Follow her on Twitter.
Image design: Kalyee Srithnam. Image model: Kalyee Srithnam.